And Let Me Love You Anyway I think it's time I finally applied this to myself. (Miranda has a great big heart and can find something to love in anyone, she can find the beauty in them and have grace for them but, unfortunately, she hasn't done that for herself) Yes, I had to switch to third person to say that because I'm not quite there yet. It's a process. I have been on my hero's journey (plot twist: I was also the villain). I have peeled back the layers of distortion. I have suffered multiple ego deaths. I have faced my deepest truths. I realize that I have looked everywhere for a feeling only I could give myself. I have run from myself into situations that dishonored my body and soul. I have made myself small. I have starved myself and hurt myself and shamed myself for being human. Now, all the drains have been addressed, all the distractions removed and I am sat with myself, in the stillness, staring unflinchingly into the mirror. Because if I don't fully know and accept myself, I cannot fully love myself and if I don't fully love myself then how can anyone else? And I want so badly to be known; to be seen and understood and loved despite all of the things about me that are unlovable. The truth of the matter is that very few people really know me. They might know me deeply in one area of my life while knowing very little about me in others. I have concealed the parts of myself I felt were unlovable. I have masked my entire life. I have made myself sick with it. "I have tried being small." I have betrayed myself over and over in the name of acceptance. I have crossed my own boundaries to please others, to avoid criticism, and to earn friendships. I have approached connection from a place of believing I wasn't good enough or worthy of these people so I have masked and I have minimized my own needs, values, beliefs and identity. I see this through so many lenses. The psychology behind it, the personal journey of learning and growth, the trauma that informed so many of my actions and decisions. Even the lens of storytelling - there were so many context clues that could've saved me if only I was paying attention to the right things. I'm paying attention now. I see it more clearly than I ever have and I am so very sorry that I did that to myself. It's time to make amends.